Tuesday 11 April

Extract 7

Thursday 6 April

Extract 6

Went to meet Jude for quiet drink to talk about Flow some more and noticed a familiar besuited figure with knitting-pattern dark good looks sitting in a quiet corner having dinner: it was Magda’s Jeremy. Waved at him and just for split second saw expression of horror cross his face, which instantly made me look to his companion who was a) not Magda. b) not yet thirty, c) wearing a suit which I have tried on twice in Whistles and had to take off as too expensive. Bloody witch.

I could tell Jeremy was going to try to get away with the sort of quick “Hello not now” look which acknowledges your close, old and enduring friendship but at the same time demonstrates that this is not the moment to affirm it with kisses and an in-depth chat. I was about to play along with it but then I thought, hang on a minute! Sisters! Under the skin! Magda! If Magda’s husband has nothing to be ashamed of in dining with this worthless trollop in my suit, he will introduce me.

I altered my path to pass his table, at which he immersed himself deep in conversation with the trollop, glancing up as I walked past and giving me a firm, confident smile as if to say ‘business meeting.’ I gave him a look which said, “Don’t you business meeting me,” and strutted on.

What should I do now, though? Oh dear, oh dear. Tell Magda? Not tell Magda? Ring Magda and ask if everything’s OK? Ring Jeremy and ask him if everything’s OK? Ring Jeremy and threaten to tell Magda unless he drops the witch in my suit? Mind my own business?

I resolved serenely to tell no one, as gossip is a virulent spreading poison. Instead I will ring Magda a lot and be there for her so if anything is amiss (which she is bound, with woman’s intuition, to sense), she will tell me. Then if it seems the right thing to do, I will tell her what I saw.

a) Describe the incident that occurred between Bridget and Jeremy.

b) Why was Bridget in two minds?

8st alcohol units 0, cigarettes 0, Instants 9 (this must stop).

All seems normal with Magda and Jeremy so maybe it was just a business meeting. Am invited to a glittering literati launch of Kafka’s Motorbike next week at the Ivy. Determined, instead of fearing the scary party, panicking all the way through and going home pissed and depressed, am going to improve social skills, confidence and Make Parties Work for Me – as guided by article have just read in magazine.

Apparently, Tina Brown of The New Yorker is brilliant at dealing with parties, gliding prettily from group to group, saying, “Martin Aims! Nelson Mandela! Richard Gere!” in a tone which at once suggests, “My God, I have never been more enchanted to see anyone in my entire life! Have you met the most dazzling person at the party apart from you? Talk! Talk! Must network! Byeee!” Wish to be like Tina Brown, though not, obviously, quite so hardworking.

The article is full of useful tips. One should never, apparently, talk to anyone at a party for more than two minutes. When time is up, you simply say, “I think we’re expected to circulate. Nice to meet you,” and go off. If you get lost for words after asking someone what they do to which they reply “Undertaker” or “I work for the Child Support Agency,” you must simply ask, “Do you enjoy that?” When introducing people add a thoughtful detail or two about each person so that their interlocutor has a conversational kicking-off point. E.g., “This is John – he’s from New Zealand and enjoys windsurfing.” Or, “Gina is a keen skydiver and lives on a barge.”

Most importantly, one must never go to a party without a clear objective: `whether it be to ‘network,’ thereby adding to your spread of contacts to improve your career, to make friends with someone specific; or simply ‘clinch’ a top deal. Understand where have been going wrong by going to parties armed only with objective of not getting too pissed.

a) What useful information did Bridget find in the article?

b) Why does Bridget read such kind of articles?

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