Working mothers

Because strength was of such importance in the old days, men could easily dominate women and divide roles out as it suited them. women needed the protection of men, and also depended on them to a large extent for hunting the animals which they needed for their food. Now, however, it is skill and brain power that are important, and women have those to the same degree as men.

Today 60 per cent of all American women work outside their homes. This is a bigchange for the United States. Only 40 years ago 75 per cent of all Americans disapproved of wives who worked for wages when their husbands could support them financially. Today most people accept that many women work outside the home.

There are two reasons why mothers and wives work. One reason is that there are many opportunities for women. A woman in the United States can work at many jobs, including an engineer, a physician, a teacher, a government official, a mechanic or a manual laborer. The other reason women work is to earn money to support their families. The majority of women say they work because it is an economic necessity.

About 80 per cent of women who work support their children without the help of a man. These women often have financial difficulties. One in three families in the United States headed by a woman lives in poverty. Many divorced Americans are required by law to help their former spouses support their children, but not all fulfill this responsibility.

A wife’s working may add a strain to the family. When both parents work, they sometimes have less time to spend with their children and with each other.

In other ways, however, many Americans believe that the family has been helped by women working. In a recent survey, for example, the majority of men and women said that they prefer a marriage in which the husband and wife share responsibilities for home jobs, such as child rearing and housework.

Many teenagers feel that working parents are a benefit. On the other hand, when parents have younger children, who require more time and care, people's views are more mixed about whether having a working mother is good for the children.

What happens to children whose parents work? More than half of these children are cared for in daycare centers or by babysitters. The rest are cared for by a relative, such as a grandparent. Some companies are trying to help working parents by offering flexible work hours. This allows one parent to be at home with the children while the other parent is at work. Computers may also help families by allowing parents to work at their home with a home computer.

Cella Hall. For a Change. 2001

What Women Don’t Understand About Guys

Contrary to what many women believe, it's easy to develop a longterm, intimate and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course, the guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the word relationship.

Let's say a guy named Roger asks a woman named Elaine out to a movie. She accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and soon neither is seeing anybody else.

Then one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine. She says: "Do you realize that we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

Silence fills the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: "Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he feels con­fined by our relationship. Maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation." And Roger is thinking: "Gosh. Six months."

And Elaine is thinking: “But hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a life-time together? Am I ready for that level of communication? Do I really even know this person?”

And Roger is thinking: “So that means it was... “let's see... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.” And Elaine is thinking: “He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship – more intimacy, more commitment. Maybe he senses my reservations. Yes, that's it. He's afraid of being rejected.”

And Roger is thinking: “I’m going to have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say – it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on cold weather this time. It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent, thieving cretins six hundred dollars! ”

And Elaine is thinking: “He's angry, and I don’t blame him. I’d be angry too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help, the way I feel. I'm just not sure.” And Roger is thinking: “They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty. That’s what they're gonna say!” And Elaine is thinking: “Maybe I’m too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting next to a perfectly good person who’s in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl fantasy.” And Roger is thinking: “Warranty? I’ll give them a warranty!” “Roger,” Elaine says aloud. “What?” says Roger. “I’m such a fool,” Elaine says, sobbing. “I mean, I know there’s no knight and there’s no horse.” “There's no horse?” says Roger. “You think I'm a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.

“No!” Roger says, glad to know the correct answer.

“It's just that... I need some time,” Elaine says.

There is a 15-second pause while Roger tries to come up with a safe response. “Yes,” he finally says.

Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand. "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?"

“What way?” says Roger. “That way about time,” Elaine says. “Oh,” says Roger. “Yes.” Elaine gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she says, “Thank you, Roger.” “Thank you ”he responds. Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted soul weeping until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of chips, turns on the TV and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czech players he never heard of. A tiny voice in his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he figures it’s better not to think about it. The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, and they will talk for six straight hours. In painstaking detail they will analyze everything she said and everything he said. They will continue to discuss this
subject for weeks, never reaching any definite conclusions but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Roger, playing racquetball one day with a friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving and ask, “Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”

We’re not talking about different wavelengths here. We’re talking about different planets in completely different solar systems. Elaine cannot communicate meaningfully with Roger because the sum total of his thinking about relationships is Huh? He has a guy brain, basically an analytical, problem-solving organ. It’s not comfortable with nebulous concepts such as love, need and trust. If the guy brain has to form an opinion about another person, it prefers to base it on facts, such as his or her earned-run average.

Women have trouble accepting this. They are convinced that guys must spend a certain amount of time thinking about the relationship. How could a guy see another human being day after day, night after night, and not be thinking about the relationship? This is what women figure. They are wrong. A guy in a relationship is like an ant standing on top of a truck tire. The ant is aware that something large is there, but be cannot even dimly comprehend what it is. And if the truck starts moving and the tire starts to roll, the ant will sense that something important is happening, but right up until he rolls around to the bottom and is squashed, the only thought in his tiny brain will be Huh?

Thus the No.1 tip for women to remember is never assume the guy understands that you and he have a relationship. You have to plant the idea in his brain by constantly making subtle references to it, such as:

“Roger, would you mind passing me the sugar, inasmuch as we have a relationship?”

“Wake up, Roger! There's a prowler in the den and we have a relationship! You and I do, I mean.”

“Good news, Roger! The doctor says we’re going to have our fourth child – another indication that we have a relationship!”

“Roger, inasmuch as this plane is crashing and we have only a minute to live, I want you to know that we’ve had a wonderful 53 years of marriage together, which clearly constitutes a relationship.”

Never let up, women. Pound away relentlessly at this concept, and eventually it will start to penetrate the guy's brain. Someday he might even start thinking about it on his own. He’ll be talking with some other guys about women, and out of the blue he'll say, “Elaine and I, we have, ummm... We have, ahhh... We... We have this thing.”

And he will sincerely mean it.

Reader’sDigest. 1996

Meanwhile, Roger, playing rac-quetball one day with a friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving and ask, "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

I’m your equal, partner!

is your relationship out of balance?

Scared to stick up for yourself? It's time for a change

Does he boss you around? Take control? Make decisions which affect you without asking your opinion?

If so, and it's beginning to make you resentful, it's time you showed some initiative and steered your relationship on to a more equal footing,

Like many women, it could be that you're afraid of asserting your needs, desires and feelings for fear of sparking a row, bruising his ego or losing him.

So you keep quiet and suffer his annoying, overbearing habits – the way he interrupts you before you've finished speaking, assumes if you're going out together he'll be driving.

Yet sticking up for yourself needn't mean upsetting him to such an extent that his affection for you wanes. Quite the opposite – a more balanced relationship should bring you closer.

Deciding what to say and finding the right words can be difficult. But the following Five R's formula will show you how to take more initiative without damaging your relationship.

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