Sort out the two jokes as quickly as you can. Be ready to retell them to the class.

THE SENSE OF HUMOUR/BE CAREFUL

1) Once Professor Thomson (Lord Kelvin) was unable to stay for the class, so he placed a sign on the door: "Professor Thomson will be unable to meet his classes today".

2) The chemistry professor wrote the formula HNO₃ on the blackboard.

3) Addressing one of the students he said, "Identify that formula, please".

4) Some college student wanted to display his sense of humour and erased the letter "c" in the word "classes".

5) "Just a moment", answered the student, "I've got it on the tip of my tongue, sir".

6) The professor, noticing the laughing students came back.

7) He looked at the students, then at the sign which now read: "Professor Thomson will be unable to meet his lasses today".

8) "Then", said the professor softly, "you'd better spit it out. It is nitric acid".

9) Then the Professor calmly erased the letter "1", looked at the students and proceeded on his way.

10) Everybody was laughing seeing the sign which now read as follows: "Professor Thomson will be unable to meet his asses today".

THE ABSENT-MINDED PROFESSOR/THE PROFESSOR COULDN'T ANSWER IT

1) A very absent-minded professor was once travelling by a suburban train.

2) Old Mr Brompton was a very clever man.

3) At one of the stations the ticket-collector came to check the tickets, but the professor could not find his.

4) He was a professor and had a lot of degrees, yet the other day he could not answer his granddaughter's question.

5) "Never mind, sir", said the ticket-collector who knew the professor very well, "I'll come at the next station".

6) "Grandpa", she said, "I saw something so funny running across the kitchen floor without any legs. What do you think it was?"

7) The professor thought and thought, but at last he had to give up. "What was it?" he asked.

8) But at the next station there was the same difficulty: the professor could not find his ticket anywhere.

9) "Don't trouble about it, it really doesn't matter", said the ticket-collector kindly.

10) '"Water", replied the little girl triumphantly.

11) "No, no, I must find out where I am going to. I have forgotten

HIS REVENGE/ABOUT EINSTEIN

1) Niels Bohr (1885—1962), the Danish physicist, discovered many important laws concerning the structure of atomic nucleus.

2) It is the pride of many people never to have any time. It was Einstein's pride always to have time.

3) Once he agreed to meet a friend of his on a certain bridge.

4) He always worked hard. But once it so happened that he had not prepared for his seminar at the university.

5) The man said he could not promise to be there at the appointed time.

6) His report was very bad and the teacher was surprised.

7) "Oh", said Einstein, "it makes no difference, then I shall wait on the bridge".

8) The friend suggested that he might lose too much of his time.

9) Bohr, however, did not lose the presence of mind and finishing his report said in conclusion, "I have listened here to so many bad reports that I ask you to regard this one as my revenge".

10) "Oh, no", answered Einstein, "the kind of work I do can be done anywhere. I can think about my problems on the bridge as well as at home".

GRAMMAR EXERCISES.

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