Humor section

FUN AND GAMES SECTION

1. Solve the clues and complete the puzzle.

1. language

2. opposite of linear

3. image files

4. a task to create a page

5. the speed in which data is transferred relative to bits

6. an HTML element also referred to as a “tag”

7. an element of data storage system

8. a connector

9. a technology that enables web pages to include video and animation

Down: A pointer from within the content of one hypertext node (e.g. a web page) to another node

What does each of the cartoons imply? Why is it funny, in your opinion? Explain its humour.

The best example of web animation

EXTRA HUMOUR SECTION

SOFTWARE

SOFTWARE CONFLICTS

	Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity.
He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release.
	- An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources. An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware probe feature to be much more useful. I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first.

Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing that sucks all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.
	BUG WARNING Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources. BUG WORK-AROUNDS To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on
	a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.

Ode to Spell Checker Eye halve a spelling chequer; It came with my pea sea. It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight for it two say; Weather eye and wring oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid, It nose bee fore two long, And eye can put the error rite. Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it, I am shore your pleased two no. Its letter perfect awl the weigh. My chequer tolled me sew.

YOU’VE BEEN IN GRAPHICS TOO LONG IF…

	Most of your friends can pronounce Gouraud first time. When you fist heard that some people used 16 million colours you wondered whatever for and continued to write colour-map tables for correct highlights on objects. You remember comp.graphics when there weren't enough articles for you to read, none of them included the word PC and
nobody ever asked the difference between raytracing and rendering. You insist that DOOM does not use raycasting. (Technically, as it was first introduced, and anyway, who plays games at your age?) Your partner knows the difference between scientific visualisation and photorealistic rendering, even though they wouldn't know a polygon from a camel. You think an SGI Indy is OK for a quick hack but not a real graphics machine.

You remember discussing how one day there would be graphics hardware to support rendering in desktop machines and people laughed.

You watched the Last Starfighter in an empty theatre and marvelled thinking it was even better than TRON.

You remember thinking that parallel computers would solve your graphics problems.

You remember when you thought X was a high level graphics language.

You get drunk and suddenly get really excited examining the light reflected through the whisky.

You get despondent while walking in the woods and think "I'll never be able to render this in real time."

You once sat up all night watching your home computer calculate the mandlebrot set with 16 colours and a resolution of 200x200.

You sat up the next night with colleagues watching your home computer calculate the mandlebrot set with 16 colours and a resolution of 200x200.

Your address book has email entries for Benoit, James F, and Prof David R.

You think being a computer geek is only half way there.

You wonder how nature processes all those photons so quickly.

When people mention the word graphics you really insist they are more accurate in their terminology.

You get irritated by people who say, "Oh, graphics, that's a solved problem" (even if they then go on to be precise about what they mean by the term "graphics").

You own one or more of the following: a glass sphere, a prism, more then two copies of Foley and Van Dam, a computer which cost more than your car, a computer which cost more than your house, a pet named Phong, a graphics board from a defunct supercomputer (properly framed) or a Rubics Cube (original).

You get 75% of the above.

PROGRAMMING

An IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied removing Disk 1 first.
	Programming language acronyms BASIC: Boring And Shamelessly Idiotic Coders BASIC: Badly Assembled, Severely Illogical Code BASIC: Beginner's Algorithms for Seemingly Infinite Confusion BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control C: Confusing COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language COBOL: Completly Outdated, Badly Overused Language COBOL: Compiles Only Because Of Luck COBOL: Coded Only By Obsessed Lunatics
	FORTRAN: Files Only Run Through Right At Never-neverland LISP: Lots of Insanely Stupid Parentheses PASCAL: Programmers Against Structured Code And Language

Дата добавления: 2014-12-27