Contributions to the neue freie presse 4 страница

‘I:"Why?"

‘Hans: "I think when furniture-horses are dragging a heavy van they’ll fall down."

‘I: "So you’re not afraid with a small cart?"

‘Hans: "No. I’m not afraid with a small cart or with a post-office van. I’m most afraid too when a bus comes along."

‘I: "Why? Because its so big?"

‘Hans: "No. Because once a horse in a bus fell down."

‘I: "When?"

‘Hans: "Once when I went out with Mummy in spite of my ‘nonsense’, when I bought the waistcoat." (This was subsequently confirmed by his mother.)

‘I: "What did you think when the horse fell down?"

‘Hans: "Now it’ll always be like this. All horses in buses’ll fall down."

‘I: "In all buses?"9

‘Hans: "Yes. And in furniture-vans too. Not often in furniture-vans."

‘I: "You had your nonsense already at that time?"

‘Hans: "No. I only got it then. When the horse in the bus fell down, it gave me such a fright, really! That was when I got the nonsense."

‘I: "But the nonsense was that you thought a horse would bite you. And now you say you were afraid a horse would fall down."

‘Hans: "Fall down and bite."¹

‘I: "Why did it give you such a fright?"

‘Hans: "Because the horse went like this with its feet," (He lay down on the ground and showed me how it kicked about.) "It gave me a fright because it made a row with its feet."

‘I: "Where did you go with Mummy that day?"

‘Hans: "First to the Skating Rink, then to a café, then to buy a waistcoat, then to the pastry-cook’s with Mummy, and then home in the evening; we went back through the Stadtpark." (All of this was confirmed by my wife, as well as the fact that the anxiety broke out immediately afterwards.)

‘I: "Was the horse dead when it fell down?"

‘Hans: Yes!"

‘I: "How do you know that?"

‘Hans: "Because I saw it." (He laughed.) "No, it wasn’t a bit dead."

‘I: "Perhaps you thought it was dead?"

‘Hans: "No. Certainly not. I only said it as a joke." (His expression at the moment, however, had been serious.)

‘As he was tired, I let him run off. He only told me besides this that he had first been afraid of bus-horses, then of all others, and only in the end of furniture-van horses.

¹ Hans was right, however improbable this collocation may sound. The train of thought, as we shall see, was that the horse (his father) would bite him because of his wish that it (his father) should fall down.0

‘On the way back from Lainz there were a few more questions:

‘I: "When the bus-horse fell down, what colour was it: white, red, brown, grey?"

‘Hans: "Black. Both horses were black."

‘I: "Was it big or little?"

‘Hans: "Big."

‘I: "Fat or thin?"

‘Hans: "Fat. Very big and fat."

‘I: "When the horse fell down, did you think of your daddy?"

‘Hans: "Perhaps. Yes. It’s possible."'

His father’s investigations may have been without success at some points; but it does no harm to make acquaintance at close quarters with a phobia of this sort - which we may feel inclined to name after its new objects. For in this way we get to see how diffuse it really is. It extends on to horses and on to carts, on to the fact that horses fall down and that they bite, on to horses of a particular character, on to carts that are heavily loaded. I will reveal at once that all these characteristics were derived from the circumstance that the anxiety originally had no reference at all to horses but was transposed on to them secondarily and had now become fixed upon those elements of the horse-complex which showed themselves well adapted for certain transferences. We must specially acknowledge one most important result of the boy’s examination by his father. We have learned the immediate precipitating cause after which the phobia broke out. This was when the boy saw a big heavy horse fall down; and one at least of the interpretations of this impression seems to be that emphasized by his father, namely, that Hans at that moment perceived a wish that his father might fall down in the same way - and be dead. His serious expression as he was telling the story no doubt referred to this unconscious meaning. May there not have been yet another meaning concealed behind all this? And what can have been the significance of the making a row with its legs?

1 ‘For some time Hans has been playing horses in the room; he trots about, falls down, kicks about with his feet, and neighs. Once he tied a small bag on like a nose-bag. He has repeatedly run up to me and bitten me.’

In this way he was accepting the last interpretations more decidedly than he could in words, but naturally with a change of parts, for the game was played in obedience to a wishful phantasy. Thus he was the horse, and bit his father, and in this way was identifying himself with his father.

‘I have noticed for the last two days that Hans has been defying me in the most decided manner, not impudently, but in the highest spirits. Is it because he is no longer afraid of me - the horse?

‘April 6th. Went out with Hans in front of the house in the afternoon. At every horse that passed I asked him if he saw the "black on its mouth"; he said "no" every time. I asked him what the black really looked like; he said it was black iron. My first idea, that he meant the thick leather straps that are part of the harness of dray-horses, is therefore unconfirmed. I asked him if the "black" reminded him of a moustache, and he said: "Only by its colour." So I do not yet know what it really is.

‘The fear has diminished; this time he ventured as far as the next-door house, but turned round quickly when he heard the sound of horses’ hooves in the distance. When a cart drew up at our door and came to a stop, he became frightened and ran into the house, because the horse began pawing with its foot. I asked him why he was afraid, and whether perhaps he was nervous because the horse had done like this (and I stamped with my foot). He said: "Don’t make such a row with your feet!" Compare his remark about the fallen bus-horse.

‘He was particularly terrified by a furniture-van passing by. At that he ran right inside the house. "Doesn’t a furniture-van like that," I asked him unconcernedly, "really look like a bus?" He said nothing. I repeated the question, and he then said: "Why, of course! Otherwise I shouldn’t be so afraid of a furniture-van."2 ‘April 7th. I asked again to-day what the "black on the horses’ mouths" looked like. Hans said: "Like a muzzle." The curious thing is that for the last three days not a single horse has passed on which he could point out this "muzzle". I myself have seen no such horse on any of my walks, although Hans asseverates that such horses do exist. I suspect that some sort of horses’ bridle - the thick piece of harness round their mouths, perhaps - really reminded him of a moustache, and that after I alluded to this this fear disappeared as well.

‘Hans’s improvement is constant. The radius of his circle of activity with the street-door as its centre grows ever wider. He has even accomplished the feat, which has hitherto been impossible for him, of running across to the pavement opposite. All the fear that remains is connected with the bus scene, the meaning of which is not yet clear to me.

‘April 9th. This morning Hans came in to me while I was washing and bare to the waist.

‘Hans: "Daddy, you are lovely! You’re so white."

‘I: "Yes. Like a white horse."

‘Hans: "The only black thing’s your moustache." (Continuing) "Or perhaps it’s a black muzzle?"

‘I told him then that I had been to see the Professor the evening before, and said: "There’s one thing he wants to know." "I am curious," remarked Hans.

‘I told him I knew on what occasions it was that he made a row with his feet. "Oh, yes!" he interrupted me, "when I’m cross, or when I have to do ‘lumf’ and would rather play." (He has a habit, it is true, of making a row with his feet, i.e. of stamping, when he is angry. - "Doing lumf" means doing number two. When Hans was small he said one day when he got off the chamber: "Look at the lumf [German: ‘Lumpf’]." He meant "stocking" [German: "Strumpf"], because of its shape and colour. This designation has been preserved to this day. - In very early days, when he had to be put on the chamber, and refused to leave off playing, he used to stamp his feet in a rage, and kick about, and sometimes throw himself on the ground.)

‘"And you kick about with your feet as well, when you have to widdle and don’t want to go, because you’d rather go on playing."

‘He: "Oh, I must widdle." And he went out of the room by way of confirmation, no doubt.’

In the course of his visit his father had asked me what Hans could have been reminded of by the fallen horse kicking about with its feet. I had suggested that that may have been his own reaction when he retained his urine. Hans now confirmed this by means of the re-emergence during the conversation of a desire to micturate; and he added some other meanings of the making a row with the feet.

‘We then went out in front of the street-door. When a coal-cart came along, he said to me: "Daddy, I’m very much afraid of coal-carts, too."

‘I: "Perhaps that’s because they’re as big as buses, too."

‘Hans: "Yes; and because they’re so heavily loaded, and the horses have so much to drag and might easily fall down. If a cart’s empty, I’m not afraid." It is a fact, as I have already remarked, that only heavy vehicles throw him into a state of anxiety.’

Nevertheless, the situation was decidedly obscure. The analysis was making little progress; and I am afraid the reader will soon begin to find this description of it tedious. Every analysis, however, has dark periods of this kind. But Hans was now on the point of leading us into an unexpected region.3 ‘I came home and was speaking to my wife, who had made various purchases which she was showing me. Among them was a pair of yellow ladies’ drawers. Hans exclaimed "Ugh!" two or three times, threw himself on the ground, and spat. My wife said he had done this two or three times already when he had seen the drawers.

‘"Why do you say ‘Ugh’?" I asked.

‘Hans: "Because of the drawers."

‘I: "Why? Because of their colour? Because they’re yellow?’, and remind you of lumf or widdle?"

‘Hans: "Lumf isn’t yellow. It’s white or black." - Immediately afterwards: "I say, is it easy to do lumf if you eat cheese?" (I had once told him so, when he asked me why I ate cheese.)

‘I: "Yes."

‘Hans: "That’s why you go straight off every morning and do lumf? I should so much like to eat cheese with my bread-and-butter."

‘He had already asked me yesterday as he was jumping about in the street: "I say, it’s true, isn’t it, if you jump about a lot you can do lumf easily?" - There has been trouble with his stools from the very first; and aperients and enemas have frequently been necessary. At one time his habitual constipation was so great that my wife called in Dr. L. He was of opinion that Hans was overfed, which was in fact the case, and recommended a more moderate diet - and the condition was at once brought to an end. Recently the constipation has again made its appearance more frequently.

‘After luncheon I said to him: "We’ll write to the Professor again," and he dictated to me: "When I saw the yellow drawers I said ‘Ugh! that makes me spit!’ and threw myself down and shut my eyes and didn’t look."

‘I: "Why?"

‘Hans: "Because I saw the yellow drawers; and I did the same sort of thing with the black drawers too.¹ The black ones are the same sort of drawers, only they were black." (Interrupting himself) "I say, I am glad. I’m always so glad when I can write to the Professor."

‘I: "Why did you say ‘Ugh’? Were you disgusted?"

‘Hans: "Yes, because I saw that. I thought I should have to do lumf."

‘I: "Why?"

‘Hans: "I don’t know."

‘I: "When did you see the black drawers?"

‘Hans: "Once, when Anna (our maid) had been here a long time - with Mummy - she brought them home just after she’d bought them." (This statement was confirmed by my wife.)

‘I: "Were you disgusted then, too?"

‘Hans: "Yes."

‘I: "Have you seen Mummy in drawers like that?"

‘Hans: "No."

‘I: "When she was dressing?"

‘Hans: "When she bought the yellow ones I’d seen them once before already." (This is contradicted. He saw the yellow ones for the first time when his mother bought them.) "She’s got the black ones on to-day too" (correct), "because I saw her take them off in the morning."

¹ ‘For the last few weeks my wife has possessed a pair of black bloomers for wearing on cycling tours.’5

‘I: "What? She took off the black drawers in the morning?"

‘Hans: "In the morning when she went out she took off the black drawers, and when she came back she put the black ones on again."

‘I asked my wife about this, as it seemed to me absurd. She said it was entirely untrue. Of course she had not changed her drawers when she went out.

‘I at once asked Hans about it: "You told me that Mummy had put on some black drawers, and that when she went out she took them off, and that when she came back she put them on again. But Mummy says it’s not true."

‘Hans: "I think perhaps I may have forgotten she didn’t take them off." (Impatiently) "Oh, do let me alone."'

I have a few comments to make at this point on the business of the drawers. It was obviously mere hypocrisy on Hans’s part to pretend to be so glad of the opportunity of giving an account of the affair. In the end he threw the mask aside and was rude to his father. It was a question of things which had once afforded him a great deal of pleasure, but of which, now that repression had set in, he was very much ashamed, and at which he professed to be disgusted. He told some downright lies so as to disguise the circumstances in which he had seen his mother change her drawers. In reality, the putting on and taking off of her drawers belonged to the ‘lumf’ context. His father was perfectly aware of what it was all about and of what Hans was trying to conceal.

‘I asked my wife whether Hans was often with her when she went to the W.C. "Yes," she said, "often. He goes on pestering me till I let him. Children are all like that."'

Nevertheless, it is worth bearing carefully in mind the desire, which Hans had already repressed, for seeing his mother doing lumf.6

‘We went out in front of the house. He was in very good spirits and was prancing about all the time like a horse. So I said: "Now, who is it that’s the bus-horse? Me, you or Mummy?"

‘Hans (promptly): "I am; I’m a young horse."

‘During the period when his anxiety was at its height, and he was frightened at seeing horses frisking, he asked me why they did it; and to reassure him I said: "Those are young horses, you see, and they frisk about like little boys. You frisk about too, and you’re a little boy." Since then, whenever he has seen horses frisking, he has said: "That’s right; those are young horses!"

‘As we were going upstairs I asked him almost without thinking: "Used you to play at horses with the children at Gmunden?"

‘He: "Yes." (Thoughtfully) "I think that was how I got the nonsense."

‘I: "Who was the horse?"

‘He: "I was; and Berta was the coachman."

‘I: "Did you fall down by any chance, when you were a horse?"

‘Hans: "No. When Berta said ‘Gee-up’, I ran ever so quick; I just raced along."¹

‘I: "You never played at buses?"

‘Hans: "No. At ordinary carts, and horses without carts. When a horse has a cart, it can go without a cart just as well, and the cart can stay at home."

‘I: "Used you often to play at horses?"

‘Hans: "Very often. Fritzl² was the horse once, too, and Franzl the coachman; and Fritzl ran ever so fast and all at once he hit his foot on a stone and bled."

‘I: "Perhaps he fell down?"

¹ ‘Hans had a set of toy harness with bells.’

² Another of the landlord’s children, as we already know.7

‘Hans: "No. He put his foot in some water and then wrapped it up."¹

‘I: "Were you often the horse?"

‘Hans: "Oh, yes."

‘I: "And that was how you got the nonsense?"

‘Hans: "Because they kept on saying ‘ 'cos of the horse, ‘ 'cos of the horse’ " (he put a stress on the ‘'cos’); "so perhaps I got the nonsense because they talked like that; ‘'cos of the horse.’"'²

For a while Hans’s father pursued his enquiry fruitlessly along other paths.

‘I: "Did they tell you anything about horses?"

‘Hans: "Yes."

‘I: "What?"

‘Hans: "I’ve forgotten."

‘I: "Perhaps they told you about their widdlers?"

‘Hans: "Oh, no."

‘I; "Were you frightened of horses already then?"

‘Hans: "Oh, no. I wasn’t frightened at all."

‘I: "Perhaps Berta told you that horses ---?"

‘Hans (interrupting): "---widdle? No."

¹ See below. His father was quite right in suspecting that Fritzl fell down.

² [‘Wegen dem Pferd’.] I may explain that Hans was not maintaining that he had got the nonsense at that time but in that connection. Indeed, it must have been so, for theoretical considerations require that what is to-day the object of a phobia must at one time in the past have been the source of a high degree of pleasure. I may at the same time complete what the child was unable to express, and add that the little word ‘wegen’ [‘because of’, ‘ 'cos of’] was the means of enabling the phobia to extend from horses on to ‘Wagen’ [‘vehicles’] or, as Hans was accustomed to pronounce the word and hear it pronounced, ‘Wägen’ [pronounced exactly like ‘wegen’]. It must never be forgotten how much more concretely children treat words than grown-up people do, and consequently how much more significant for them are similarities of sound in words.

8 ‘On April 10th I took up our conversation of the day before, and tried to discover what his "'cos of the horse" meant. Hans could not remember; he only knew that some children had stood outside the front door one morning and had said, "'cos of the horse, 'cos of the horse!" He had been there himself. When I pressed him more closely, he declared that they had not said "'cos of the horse" at all, but that he had remembered wrong.

‘I: "But you and the others were often in the stables. You must surely have talked about horses there." - "We didn’t." - "What did you talk about?" - "Nothing." - "Such a lot of children, and nothing to talk about?" - "We did talk about something, but not about horses." - "Well, what was it?" - "I don’t remember any more."

‘I allowed the matter to drop, as the resistances were evidently too great,¹ and went on to the following question: "Did you like playing with Berta?"

‘He: "Yes, very much; but not with Olga. D’you know what Olga did? I was given a paper ball once by Grete up there at Gmunden, and Olga tore it all to pieces. Berta would never have torn my ball. I liked playing with Berta very much."

‘I: "Did you see what Berta’s widdler looked like?"

‘He: "No, but I saw the horses’; because I was always in the stables, and so I saw the horses’ widdlers."

‘I: "And so you were curious and wanted to know what Berta’s and Mummy’s widdlers looked like?"

‘He: "Yes."

‘I reminded him of how he had once complained to me that the little girls always wanted to look on while he was widdling.

¹ In point of fact there was nothing more to be got out of it than Hans’s verbal association, and this had escaped his father. Here is a good instance of conditions under which an analyst’s efforts are wasted.

‘He: "Berta always looked on at me too" (he spoke with great satisfaction and not at all resentfully); "often she did, I used to widdle in the little garden where the radishes were, and she stood outside the front door and looked on at me."

‘I: "And when she widdled, did you look on?"

‘He: "She used to go to the W.C."

‘I: "And you were curious?"

‘He: "I was inside the W.C. when she was in it."

‘(This was a fact. The servants told us about it once, and I recollect that we forbade Hans to do it.)

‘I: "Did you tell her you wanted to go in?"

‘He: "I went in alone and because Berta let me. There’s nothing shameful in that."

‘I: "And you’d have liked to see her widdler?"

‘He: "Yes, but I didn’t see it."

‘I then reminded him of the dream about playing forfeits that he had had at Gmunden, and said: "When you were at Gmunden did you want Berta to make you widdle?"

‘He: "I never said so to her."

‘I: "Why didn’t you ever say so to her?"

‘He: "Because I didn’t think of it." (Interrupting himself) "If I write everything to the Professor, my nonsense’ll soon be over, won’t it?"

‘I: "Why did you want Berta to make you widdle?"

‘He: "I don’t know. Because she looked on at me."

‘I: "Did you think to yourself she should put her hand to your widdler?"

‘He: "Yes." (Changing the subject)("It was such fun at Gmunden. In the little garden where the radishes were there was a little sand-heap; I used to play there with my spade."

‘(This was the garden where he used always to widdle.)

"I: ‘Did you put your hand to your widdler at Gmunden, when you were in bed?"0

‘He: "No. Not then; I slept so well at Gmunden that I never thought of it at all. The only times I did it was at --- Street¹ and now."

‘I: "But Berta never put her hand to your widdler?"

‘He: "She never did, no; because I never told her to."

‘I: "Well, and when was it you wanted her to?"

‘He: "Oh, at Gmunden once."

‘I: "Only once?"

‘He: "Well, now and then."

‘I: "She used always to look on at you when you widdled; perhaps she was curious to know how you did it?"

‘He: "Perhaps she was curious to know what my widdler looked like."

‘I: "But you were curious too. Only about Berta?"

‘He: "About Berta, and about Olga."

‘I: "About who else?"

‘He: "About no one else."

‘I: "You know that’s not true. About Mummy too."

‘He: "Oh, yes, about Mummy."

‘I: "But now you’re not curious any more. You know what Hanna’s widdler looks like, don’t you?"

‘He: "It’ll grow, though, won’t it?"²

‘I: "Yes, of course. But when it’s grown it won’t look like yours."

‘He: "I know that. It’ll be the same" (sc. as it now is) "only bigger."

‘I: "When we were at Gmunden, were you curious when your Mummy undressed?"

‘He: "Yes. And then when Hanna was in her bath I saw her widdler."

‘I: "And Mummy’s too?"

‘He: "No."

‘I: "You were disgusted when you saw Mummy’s drawers?"

¹ The flat they were in before the move.

² Hans wants to be assured that his own widdler will grow.1

‘He: "Only when I saw the black ones - when she bought them - then I spat. But I don’t spit when she puts her drawers on or takes them off. I spit because the black drawers are like a lumf and the yellow ones like a widdle, and then I think I’ve got to widdle. When Mummy has her drawers on I don’t see them; she’s got her clothes on over them."

‘I: "And when she takes off her clothes?"

‘He: "I don’t spit then either. But when her drawers are new they look like a lumf. When they’re old, the colour goes away and they get dirty. When you buy them they’re quite clean, but at home they’ve been made dirty. When they’re bought they’re new, and when they’re not bought they’re old."

‘I: "Then you aren’t disgusted by old ones?"

‘He: "When they’re old they’re much blacker than a lumf, aren’t they? They’re just a bit blacker."¹

‘I: "Have you often been into the W.C. with Mummy?"

‘He: "Very often."

‘I: "And were you disgusted?"

‘He: "Yes.... No."

‘I: "You like being there when Mummy widdles or does lumf?"

‘He: "Yes, very much."

‘I: "Why do you like it so much?"

‘He: "I don’t know."

‘I: "Because you think you’ll see her widdler."

‘He: "Yes, I do think that."

‘I: "But why won’t you ever go into the W.C. at Lainz?"

‘(At Lainz he always begs me not to take him into the W.C.; he was frightened once by the noise of the flush.)

¹ Our young man was here wrestling with a subject of which he was not equal to giving a clear exposition; so that there is some difficulty in understanding him. He may perhaps have meant that the drawers only recalled his feelings of disgust when he saw them on their own account; as soon as his mother had them on, he ceased to connect them with lumf or widdle, and they then interested him in a different way.

‘He: "Perhaps it’s because it makes a row when you pull the plug."

‘I: "And then you’re afraid."

‘He: "Yes."

‘I: "And what about our W.C. here?"

‘He: "Here I’m not. At Lainz it gives me a fright when you pull the plug. And when I’m inside and the water rushes down, then it gives me a fright too."

‘And, "just to show me that he wasn’t frightened in our flat," he made me go into the W.C. and set the flush in motion. He then explained to me:

‘"First there’s a loud row, and then a loose one." (This is when the water comes down.) "When there’s a loud row I’d rather stay inside, and when there’s a soft one I’d rather go out."

‘I: "Because you’re afraid?"

‘He: "Because if there’s a loud row I always so much like to see it" - (correcting himself) "to hear it; so I’d rather stay inside and hear it properly."

‘I: "What does a loud row remind you of?"

‘He: "That I’ve got to do lumf in the W.C." (The same thing, that is, that the black drawers reminded him of.)

‘I: "Why?"

‘He: "I don’t know. A loud row sounds as though you were doing lumf. A big row reminds me of lumf, and a little one of widdle." (Cf. the black and the yellow drawers.)

‘I: "I say, wasn’t the bus-horse the same colour as a lumf" (According to his account it had been black.)

‘He (very much struck): "Yes."'

At this point I must put in a few words. Hans’s father was asking too many questions, and was pressing the inquiry along his own lines instead of allowing the little boy to express his thoughts. For this reason the analysis began to be obscure and uncertain. Hans went his own way and would produce nothing if attempts were made to draw him off it. For the moment his interest was evidently centred upon lumf and widdle, but we cannot tell why. Just as little satisfactory light was thrown upon the business of the row as upon that of the yellow and black drawers. I suspect that the boy’s sharp ears had clearly detected the difference between the sounds made by a man micturating and a woman. The analysis succeeded in forcing the material somewhat artificially into an expression of the distinction between the two different calls of nature. I can only advise those of my readers who have not as yet themselves conducted an analysis not to try to understand everything at once, but to give a kind of unbiased attention to every point that arises and to await further developments.

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