Imagery in Translation. Их опечатывает темнота

Их опечатывает темнота.

Во мне ты видишь то сгоранье пня,

Когда зола, что пламенем была,

Становится могилою огня,

А то, что грело, изошло дотла,

И это видя, помни: нет цены

Свиданьям, дни которых сочтены.

Перевод С. Маршака:

То время года видишь ты во мне, Когда один-другой багряный лист От холода трепещет в вышине — На хорах, где умолк веселый свист.

Во мне ты видишь тот вечерний час, Когда поблек на западе закат И купол неба, отнятый у нас, Подобьем смерти — сумраком объят.

Во мне ты видишь блеск того огня, Который гаснет в пепле прошлых дней, И то, что жизнью было для меня, Могилою становится моей.

Ты видишь все. Но близостью конца Теснее наши связаны сердца!

Перевод С. Степанова:

Во мне такую пору видишь взором, Когда листвы закончились пиры, Почти сметенной холода напором, На голых хорах смолкли птиц хоры.

Во мне ты видишь сумерки такие, Когда закат уже почти угас,

Практикум по художественному переводу

И ночь, как смерть, кладет свои слепые Печати, запечатывая глаз.

Ты видишь головню на пепелище, Что теплится в золе минувших дней, Чья некогда живительная пища Теперь ложится саваном над ней.

Ты видишь все и все ты понимаешь — И любишь крепче то, что потеряешь.

EXERCISES FOR COMPARISON

• Read more about William Shakespeare and his sonnets.

• Read about the sonnet, its history, structure, forms and role
in English poetry. Compare this poetic form with other kinds of verse.

• Read this sonnet attentively, make sure that you can un­
derstand every word and sentence structure in it. Mark the key
words of the sonnet and their links with the other words.

• Analyse the grammar of the sonnet, mark archaic forms
and vocabulary.

• Define and analyse the pattern of the verse: the type of
poetic form, rhythm, metre, rhyme scheme.

• Experiment with the text: change its versification pattern
(i. e., cut off a foot from every line and make it sound an iambic
tetrameter). Note the difference in rhythm and expressive power.

• Reconstruct the logical structure of the sonnet and its
major concepts.

• Reconstruct the imagery of the sonnet and the stylistic
means used to create the images.

• Think of some possible Russian parallels, either in form
or in contents.

• Translate the sonnet word for word. Think of Russian
equivalents for the archaic forms and vocabulary. Decide wheth­
er they should be as archaic in Russian.

36

Imagery in Translation

• Think over the concepts of the sonnet and try to connect
them in Russian in the form of a coherent text.

• Create the preliminary scheme of rhymes in Russian, i. e.
collect important words which would make a rhyming basis for
the Russian substitute of the sonnet.

• Fill in the lines within the rhyming frame with words as
close to the source text as possible. Try to save the stylistic devic­
es of the source text.

• Decide which words and structures seem too heavy or
dull in Russian. Try to make the Russian text easier: omit some
words, change the type of stylistic devices, etc.

• Read the resulting text aloud to make sure it echoes the
rhythmic impression of the source text.

• Compare your text with those of other translators.

• Comment upon the difference in translation principles.
Discuss the results.

Task for translation: Sonnet 102

SONNET 102

My love is strenghten'd, though more weak in seeming; I love not less, though less the show appear: That love is merchandized whose rich esteeming The owner's tongue doth publish every where. Our love was new and then but in the spring When I was wont to greet it with my lays, As Philomel in summer's front doth sing And stops her pipe in growth of riper days:' Not that the summer is less pleasant now Than when her mournful hymns did hush the night, But that wild music burthens every bough And sweets grown common lose their dear delight. Therefore like her I sometime hold my tongue,

Because I would not dull you with my song.

———

Практикум по художественному переводу

EXERCISES FOR TRANSLATION

• Read the sonnet aloud to feel its rhythmic and phonic
anity.

• Study the words and syntactic structures of the text to
nake sure that the logic and content of it are clear to you. Identi­
fy the key words and their function in the sonnet.

• Study the imagery of the text and stylistic means used to
:reate the imaginative world. Identify the units that may cause
problems for translation.

• Think of how to transform the word Philomel. Does the
pronoun her have a special meaning in this text?

• Study the metric pattern of the text to detect both weak
and strong positions in their connection with the content and im­
agery of the sonnet.

• Study the rhyme scheme of the sonnet; consider the words
that make rhyming pairs as meaningful units to explore their func­
tion in the text.

• Reconstruct the metric scheme and rhyming of the son­
net in Russian; choose pairs of rhyming words as close in mean­
ing to the source text as possible.

• Complete the lines with Russian words according to the
logic and emotive development of the text within the frame of the
metric pattern of the sonnet.

• Read your Russian text aloud to check how it sounds.

• Complete the translated text and discuss the translated
versions of the sonnet.

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