Grammar

S I C K J O K E S

FUNNY READING

‘Mummy, Mummy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!’

‘Shut up and comb your face!’

‘Mummy, Mummy! I don’t like grandpa.’

‘Well, just push him aside and eat your potatoes.’

‘Mummy, Mummy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner?’

‘Shut up, we haven’t even finished your Grandmother yet.’

‘Mummy, Mummy! I don’t want to go to Australia.’

Shut up son and keep swimming.’

‘Mummy, Mummy! Why do other kids tell me I have a long nose?’

‘You don’t, but lift your head up or you’ll scrape the floor.’

‘Mummy, Mummy! I hate tomato juice!’

‘Shut up and drink it before it clots.’

‘Mummy, Mummy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff?’

‘Shut up son, you’ll wake your father.’

‘Mummy, Mummy! What’s for dinner?’

‘Shut up and get back in the oven!’

‘Mummy, Mummy, I’m missing Daddy!’

‘Shut up and reload your gun!’

‘Doctor, Doctor, you gave my wife arsenic instead of sleeping pills.’

‘Oh, I’m awfully sorry. That’ll be another $3.’

There was once a young cannibal called Fred who used to eat garlic in bed. His mother said, Sonny. That’s not very funny. Why don’t you eat people instead?

‘My husband wants me to get him something electrical for his birthday.’

‘How about an electrical chair?’

A woman was walking along the beach with her children, obviously searching for something.

‘Can I help you?’ asked the lifeguard. “You’ve obviously lost something.’

‘Yes,’ said the woman, ‘it’s my husband. The children have buried him in the sand and I can’t find him.’

‘Can you remember where you were sitting?’ asked the lifeguard.

‘Don’t be a fool,’ said the woman. ‘Can you remember where you were sitting this time last year?’

How do you keep flies out of the kitchen?

Put a bucket of horse manure in the dining-room.

***

DOCTOR: I’m terribly sorry, Mr. Graves, but I’m afraid you’ve got rabies.

PATIENT: Quick, give me a pen and paper.

DOCTOR: Why, do you wish to make a will?

PATIENT: No. A list of people that I want to bite.

TO and –ING

INFINITIVE WITHOUT TO ( Examples: go, speak)

Used after ‘auxiliary verbs’:

can I can speak German.

could Could you speak more slowly?

will It will rain tomorrow.

should You should be at home.

do Does he smoke?

Don’t stop!

let’s Let’s have a drink.

INFINITIVE WITH TO (Examples: to go, to speak)

Used in many kinds of sentence. After:

something Would you like something to eat?

nothing There’s nothing to do.

anything Have you got anything to drink?

I’m sorry I’m sorry to trouble you.

Also used after many verbs:

would like Would you like to dance?

would love I’d love to speak German.

hope I hope to see you soon.

want I don’t want to go home.

have You have to change at the next station.

And used to say why we do things:

‘Why did you come here?’ ‘To see you.’

- ING FORM (Examples: going, speaking)

Used in many kinds of sentence. After some verbs:

like I like speaking French.

love I love going to the theatre.

hate I hate waiting for people.

And after all prepositions:

after After seeing the doctor I felt better.

before Before going to bed I usually read the paper.

for Thank you for inviting me.

at She’s good at swimming.

without Can you get there without changing?

And in the Present Progressive tense:

‘What are you doing?’ ‘I’m writing letters.’

Exercise 10. Put in the infinitive with or without to.

1. Can you………..? (swim)

2. Have you got anything………..? (read)

3. Could I ………. to Lucy? (speak)

4. I don’t……… (understand)

5. I’d like ……… you again. (see)

6. I hope……….. to America in May. (go)

7. It takes a long time………..English. (learn)

8. Let’s………….. (dance)

9. Why don’t we ……….a drink? (have)

Exercise 11. Put in the infinitive or the –ing form.

1. Would you like……….? (dance)

2. Do you like……….? (dance)

3. Can you …….chess? (play)

4. Thank you for…….. me. (help)

5. I’m very bad at ………. (ski)

6. You can’t live without ………..(eat)

7. How do you ……….’please’? (pronounce)

8. Could you ……… me the time? (tell)

9. I love ……….. (cook)

10. My husband can’t ………….. (cook)

Дата добавления: 2014-11-18